It’s Sunday evening. You’ve got work in the morning, and therefore you have the fear. A giant, all-encompassing fear. The FEAR. Here it comes. AARRGGHH. “Hello, Sailor,” it purrs. Right before it drops its trousers… Yup; you need something comforting. A sedative. Something to cloak the fact that you have but a short time on … Continue reading I got bored, so reviewed every episode of Countryfile
It was always going to be a grim election campaign; that it became one punctuated by nauseating outbreaks of death-cult terrorism only added to the sense of freefall. Rolling news: eyewitness testimony and blue flashing lights, then it’s irony-addled oldies, bemoaning food bank existence and cuts in public services whilst proudly declaring an intention to … Continue reading First, We Vote. Then We Get Drunk Until November – Notes on the General Election
From time-to-time I reluctantly emerge from my alcoholic stupor to pen ill-conceived diatribes for whatever remains of the music press. Sometimes they even give me cold, hard cash for the privilege – the suckers. This year, I wrote a long op-ed piece about Varmints by Anna Meredith. Followed by a live review, a lengthy interview … Continue reading LGM’s Favourite Albums of 2016, #1 – ‘Varmints’ by Anna Meredith
2016. Not so much a year as a treatise on attrition. Bowie. Brexit. Prince. Trump. And that’s just a taster (I may have had a little cry when Jo Cox was murdered in the street by a neo-Nazi. And a bigger one when a national newspaper insinuated that it was kind of her own fault). … Continue reading LGM’s Favourite Albums of 2016, #10 – #2
Welcome to the annual run-down of the years’ favourite albums, as voted for by readers of Lazer Guided Melody, the popkids of Twitter (both discerning and drunk), and that guy who lives in the park and swears at ducks. “You fucking stupid mallards,” he barks. “Your cunting feathers look like they were glued on by … Continue reading Your Favourite Albums of 2016 – The Results
At the tail-end of each November – whilst compiling my own compendium of treasured records – I solicit votes for your album of the year. I’ve long forgotten why I solicit votes for your album of the year, beyond some vague notion that it’s fascinating to learn about records loved to, cried with, or simply … Continue reading Now Taking Votes for your Album of 2016.
This week I slithered out from the cocoon of my Twitter timeline to wiggle toes in the calming pool known colloquially as the Real World. I didn’t like it, and rapidly slithered back whence I’d came. After all, my Twitter timeline is a safe place, its denizens being exclusively anti-Trump and anti-Brexit, its late nights … Continue reading Cookie Monster: The Poster Boy for Trump and All Other Kinds of Shit.
A few days before Christmas, and a café in Lockerbie. I’ve missed my train, a few hours to kill before the next one, and with the rain falling in sheets I need somewhere to hide; this will do for now. I order a coffee and fire up the laptop, halfway amused that Wi-Fi has made … Continue reading A Short Christmas Tale, and Freiheit’s ‘Keeping The Dream Alive’
I’ve read a great deal about this album. Reviews, opinion pieces, many lukewarm, others drifting away from the complementary altogether. Common inferences that as a proposition, the band have always been a little bit too clever for their own good. Too arthouse; too busy with unconventional time signatures and stalactite posturing to truly resonate with … Continue reading LGM’s Favourite Albums of 2015, #1 – ‘O Shudder’ by Dutch Uncles
Right; it’s been a busy year – best crack on. Awash with Album of the Year write-ups we may be (they start in mid-October, nuzzling up against the time zone when idiots start putting up the Christmas decorations), but when you scribble about music it kind of comes with the territory. Mandatory behaviour; look sharp, … Continue reading LGM’s Favourite Albums of 2015, #10 – #2
It’s album of the year time. HOORAY! Or BOO! (flavour to taste). Having canvassed your opinion on discs that you lot are rather partial to, well over a hundred were nominated; the point being (I think) that amongst some rather obvious titles, there’s a wash of fascinating LPs that are very much worth exploring. So: … Continue reading Twitter’s Favourite Albums of 2015, The Results
Every year – for reasons long since forgotten – I solicit your votes for album of the year. A kind of companion piece to my own overlong diatribe on the subject (that I’ll be revealing mid-December, just as long as you promise not to get too sick of bloody lists). Last year’s results produced a … Continue reading You. Yes, YOU! Now taking votes for your album of 2015
Something’s coming over me. I’m so dizzy I can’t see… Previously on LGM, and a trawl through the innards of great pop. Lithe. Ebullient. Thrilling – I think that’s the key; if we’re to receive but a brief moment on this planet, it’s best to celebrate it. My heart is beating faster now, as the … Continue reading Dentist Drill Prokoviev: Celebrating the Glory of ‘Rush Hour’ by Jane Wiedlin
The greatest ever pop song. It’s something I’m asked about all the time; on the street, down the pub, when glancing into the mirror and some grey-faced loser with bloodshot eyes starts staring back. Yeah, especially the latter – that happens all the time. “Excuse me, young squire,” they say. “But I’ve been wondering for … Continue reading In Search of the Greatest Ever Pop Song
Certain acts are a breeze to write about. Sitting down with pen and a headful of thought is to see the words appear on page almost before they’re written, the fluid patterns intuitive, such understanding of back catalogue sharp, embedded with clarity. Other artists, and it’s more of a challenge. Too many intangibles. Too much … Continue reading Hidden In Plain Sight: Thoughts on ‘The Sensual World’ by Kate Bush