This is the third week that I’ve been writing about Brexit, and the election we have to have because we can’t have Brexit, and the gaping void at the heart of everything but especially the election, and Brexit, and I heard, as it were the noise of thunder, one of the four beasts saying, ‘Come … Continue reading Calling All Exorcists: Thoughts on an Election #3
On election day in 2010, Nigel Farage had his plane crash. It was funny and also rubbish – two things that a plane crash shouldn’t be. In the February of 2019, Ross Thompson, the former Conservative member for Aberdeen South, got drunk in a House of Commons bar and started grabbing men’s genitals. Which ran … Continue reading Nothing Can Divide Us (apart from the Heptagonal Shrapnel in our Bloody Foreheads): Thoughts on an Election #2
The other day, on the pedestrianised bit of the High Street, an elderly, constipated gentleman whom I did not know dropped his trousers, and there, amidst the shoppers and the vape stores and the hordes of canvassing Evangelical Christians, he began to squat. With a grimace on his face and perspiration on his brow the … Continue reading All the Pretty Things are Going to Hell: Thoughts on Brexit, and the Election.
It’s all to do with allegory. Ghost stories aren’t about the ghost. Rather, they serve as mirrors, reflecting and refracting who we are and what we are, where we’ve been, where we’re headed. Low have always been a band for late autumn or winter – which is when ghost stories work best. Something to do … Continue reading LGM’s Album of the Year: Double Negative by Low
It’s Sunday evening. You’ve got work in the morning, and therefore you have the fear. A giant, all-encompassing fear. The FEAR. Here it comes. AARRGGHH. “Hello, Sailor,” it purrs. Right before it drops its trousers… Yup; you need something comforting. A sedative. Something to cloak the fact that you have but a short time on … Continue reading I got bored, so reviewed every episode of Countryfile
It was always going to be a grim election campaign; that it became one punctuated by nauseating outbreaks of death-cult terrorism only added to the sense of freefall. Rolling news: eyewitness testimony and blue flashing lights, then it’s irony-addled oldies, bemoaning food bank existence and cuts in public services whilst proudly declaring an intention to … Continue reading First, We Vote. Then We Get Drunk Until November – Notes on the General Election
From time-to-time I reluctantly emerge from my alcoholic stupor to pen ill-conceived diatribes for whatever remains of the music press. Sometimes they even give me cold, hard cash for the privilege – the suckers. This year, I wrote a long op-ed piece about Varmints by Anna Meredith. Followed by a live review, a lengthy interview … Continue reading LGM’s Favourite Albums of 2016, #1 – ‘Varmints’ by Anna Meredith
2016. Not so much a year as a treatise on attrition. Bowie. Brexit. Prince. Trump. And that’s just a taster (I may have had a little cry when Jo Cox was murdered in the street by a neo-Nazi. And a bigger one when a national newspaper insinuated that it was kind of her own fault). … Continue reading LGM’s Favourite Albums of 2016, #10 – #2
Welcome to the annual run-down of the years’ favourite albums, as voted for by readers of Lazer Guided Melody, the popkids of Twitter (both discerning and drunk), and that guy who lives in the park and swears at ducks. “You fucking stupid mallards,” he barks. “Your cunting feathers look like they were glued on by … Continue reading Your Favourite Albums of 2016 – The Results
At the tail-end of each November – whilst compiling my own compendium of treasured records – I solicit votes for your album of the year. I’ve long forgotten why I solicit votes for your album of the year, beyond some vague notion that it’s fascinating to learn about records loved to, cried with, or simply … Continue reading Now Taking Votes for your Album of 2016.
This week I slithered out from the cocoon of my Twitter timeline to wiggle toes in the calming pool known colloquially as the Real World. I didn’t like it, and rapidly slithered back whence I’d came. After all, my Twitter timeline is a safe place, its denizens being exclusively anti-Trump and anti-Brexit, its late nights … Continue reading Cookie Monster: The Poster Boy for Trump and All Other Kinds of Shit.
A few days before Christmas, and a café in Lockerbie. I’ve missed my train, a few hours to kill before the next one, and with the rain falling in sheets I need somewhere to hide; this will do for now. I order a coffee and fire up the laptop, halfway amused that Wi-Fi has made … Continue reading A Short Christmas Tale, and Freiheit’s ‘Keeping The Dream Alive’
I’ve read a great deal about this album. Reviews, opinion pieces, many lukewarm, others drifting away from the complementary altogether. Common inferences that as a proposition, the band have always been a little bit too clever for their own good. Too arthouse; too busy with unconventional time signatures and stalactite posturing to truly resonate with … Continue reading LGM’s Favourite Albums of 2015, #1 – ‘O Shudder’ by Dutch Uncles
Right; it’s been a busy year – best crack on. Awash with Album of the Year write-ups we may be (they start in mid-October, nuzzling up against the time zone when idiots start putting up the Christmas decorations), but when you scribble about music it kind of comes with the territory. Mandatory behaviour; look sharp, … Continue reading LGM’s Favourite Albums of 2015, #10 – #2
It’s album of the year time. HOORAY! Or BOO! (flavour to taste). Having canvassed your opinion on discs that you lot are rather partial to, well over a hundred were nominated; the point being (I think) that amongst some rather obvious titles, there’s a wash of fascinating LPs that are very much worth exploring. So: … Continue reading Twitter’s Favourite Albums of 2015, The Results