I’d had all this planned out. Riffing through our favourite album titles – Set phasers to pun as opening line, followed by a merry jaunt through the Half Man Half Biscuit back catalogue.
Only, with every LP ever released technically eligible (the single exception being Muse’s Black Holes And Revelations, which is fit only to be making an appointment with the veterinarian to be put down), the voting patterns were fleeting and indistinct. A veritable Rorschach test of album title nomenclature, in which the four nominations you were kind enough to throw in my direction (or 400 if your name is @japaneseforms) bore very little relation to the records anyone else was voting for. Don’t get me wrong – the conversations were manifold, and fascinating in that music geek fashion (including a debate down the pub that evolved into this blog post – thanks @Chops_Top_Fives). Yet despite more than a hundred albums suggested (full list, as always, in the comments), only 14 received more than one nomination. Which all goes to show that we’re a bloody eclectic lot, with a collective knowledge and appreciation that we should be proud of – hence the wide understanding of a grand album title: erudite, knowing, thematically linked to the suite of songs – or just plain amusing, and filled with naughty words.
The top ten:
Equal #9: Press The Eject and Give Me The Tape by Bauhaus, and Underachievers Please Try Harder by Camera Obscura – the latter released in other territories as Popfrenzy, which carries none of the lustre of the original title.
#8: Hardcore Will Never Die But You Will. Probably the finest album of this top ten. To say that I’m just a little excited by the new Mogwai album (due Jan 2014) is an understatement.
Equal #6: The Difference Between Me And You Is That I’m Not On Fire by Mclusky, and Vivadixiesubmarinetransmissionplot by the much-missed Sparklehorse.
Equal #4: Microdisney’s We Hate You South African Bastards (re-released under the much-less dynamic title of Love your Enemies to reflect the fall of Apartheid), and Achtung Bono – as if Half Man Half biscuit were ever going to be missing from this list.
Equal #2: One of these two were nominated by me; triggered a smile that at least a handful out there agreed. The only surprise being that Belle & Sebastian guitarist Stevie Jackson’s solo disc (I Can’t Get No) Stevie Jackson beat the best titled Belle & Sebastian album – Fold Your Hands Child, You Walk Like A Peasant. The other record with an equal number of votes: Snuffsaidbutgorblimeyguvstonemeifhedidntthrowawobblerchachachachachachachachachachachayouregoinghomeinacosmicambience, by (surprise surprise) Snuff. Needs another cha, if you ask me.
And #1: Well yes; you could no doubt pull any of their album titles from a hat and generate a grin. But the biggest Half Man Half Biscuit grin of all is reserved for Trouble Over Bridgwater. Set phasers to pun, indeed.
Next week: I’d be siding up to you in a hectic, voguish bar and asking for your four favourite albums from Birmingham. As with the Scottish album vote month or two back, I’ll decide what does and doesn’t qualify, but anything from West Midlands-related acts (Birmingham, Wolverhampton, the Black Country) is generally the kind of thing I’m looking for.
And as for Birmingham, Alabama: hell, why not? At least Lynyrd Skynyrd were from Florida…
Leave your four favourites – in order – either in the comments or at @lazerguidedblog; results Sunday 24 Nov. Cheers.
a) Apologies for publishing votes late this week, I’ve been incredibly busy and incredibly drunk over the last few day. And probably not in that order.
b) The full list of nominations:
Trouble Over Bridgwater / Half Man Half Biscuit / 9 votes
Snuffsaidbutgorblimeyguvstonemeifhedidntthrowawobblerchachachachachachachachachachachayouregoinghomeinacosmicambience / Snuff / 8 votes
(I can’t get no) Stevie Jackson / Stevie Jackson / 8 votes
Achtung Bono / Half Man Half Biscuit / 7 votes
We Hate You South African Bastards / Microdisney / 7 votes
The Difference Between Me And You Is That I’m Not On Fire / Mclusky / 7 votes
Vivadixiesubmarinetransmissionplot / Sparklehorse / 7 votes
Hardcore Will Never Die But You Will / Mogwai / 6 votes
Press The Eject and Give Me The Tape / Bauhaus / 6 votes
Underachievers Please Try Harder / Camera Obscura / 6 votes
Gratuitous Sax & Senseless Violin / Sparks / 5 votes
The Fucking Cunts Treat Us Like Pricks / Flux of Pink Indians / 5 votes
Electric Landlady / Kirsty MacColl / 4 votes
Squirrel and G-Man Twenty Four Hour Party People Plastic Face Carnt Smile (White Out) / Happy Mondays / 4 votes
20 Jazz Funk Greats / Throbbing Gristle / 4 votes
Can Hieronymus Merkin Ever Forget Mercy Humppe and Find True Happiness / Anthony Newley / 4 votes
Dark Side Of The Moon / Pink Floyd / 4 votes
We Have the Facts and We’re Voting Yes / Death Cab For Cutie / 4 votes
Tokyo Space Cowboys / Audio Active / 4 votes
Mellon Collie & the Infinite Sadness / Smashing Pumpkins / 4 votes
Fear of Music / Talking Heads / 4 votes
Fold your hands child, you walk like a peasant / Belle & Sebastian / 4 votes
Kimono My House / Sparks / 4 votes
Free Your Mind… and Your Ass Will Follow / Funkadelic / 4 votes
Young Team / Mogwai / 4 votes
Rank / The Smiths / 4 votes
Now Phats What I Small Music / Phats & Small / 4 votes
Bandwagonesque / Teenage Fanclub / 4 votes
Bongo Fury / Frank Zappa / Captain Beefheart / 4 votes
Back In The DHSS / Half Man Half Biscuit / 4 votes
Please / Pet Shop Boys / 4 votes
Hairway to Steven / Butthole Surfers / 4 votes
Normal For Bridgwater / Peter Bruntnell / 4 votes
The Hissing of Summer Lawns / Joni Mitchell. / 4 votes
Pointless Walks to Dismal Places / Prolapse / 4 votes
For All the Fucked-Up Children of the World, We Give You Spacemen 3 / Spacemen 3 / 4 votes
If I Were Brittania I’d Waive the Rules / Budgie / 3 votes
In Gorbachev We Trust / Shamen / 3 votes
Christ The Album / Crass / 3 votes
My People Were Fair and Had Sky in Their Hair… But Now They’re Content to Wear Stars on Their Brows / Tyrannosaurus Rex / 3 votes
Viva Hate / Morrissey / 3 votes
My Pain And Sadness Is More Sad And Painful Than Yours / Mclusky / 3 votes
You Fuckers Fuck / The Conemelt / 3 votes
Jen-Fi / Bunnygrunt / 3 votes
Scary Monsters / David Bowie / 3 votes
The rise and fall of Ziggy Stardust and the spiders from mars / David Bowie / 3 votes
World Class Listening Problem / Don Caballero. / 3 votes
Kiss Me Kiss Me Kiss Me / The Cure / 3 votes
If I Could Do It All Over Again, I’d Do It All Over You / Caravan / 3 votes
Sheikh Yerbouti / Mr Z / 3 votes
We Are All Sluts Of Trust / Sluts Of Trust / 3 votes
Get Yer Ya-Yas Out / The Rolling Stones / 3 votes
Hypocrisy Is The Greatest Luxury / Disposable Heroes of Hiphoprisy / 3 votes
Disco And The Halfway To Discontent / Clinton / 3 votes
Folkjokeopus / Roy Harper / 3 votes
Hellbent on Compromise / Edwyn Collins / 3 votes
Rust Never Sleeps / Neil Young / 3 votes
Music Has the Right to Children / Boards Of Canada / 3 votes
Chairs Missing / Wire / 3 votes
They Were Wrong, So We Drowned / Liars / 3 votes
The Perfect Prescription / Spacemen 3 / 2 votes
26 Mixes For Cash / Aphex Twin / 2 votes
More Songs About Buildings and Food / Talking Heads / 2 votes
Pornography / The Cure / 2 votes
Enter Snowman / V/A / 2 votes
The Unnuterable / The Fall / 2 votes
Fairy Tales for Hard Men / Jackie Leven / 2 votes
They Could Have Been Bigger Than The Beatles / Television Personalities / 2 votes
Revolver / The Beatles / 2 votes
Magical Mystery Tour / The Beatles / 2 votes
Q: Are We Not Men? A: We Are Devo! / Devo / 2 votes
More Songs About Chocolate & Girls / The Undertones / 2 votes
Superfuzz Bigmuff / Mudhoney / 2 votes
The Doughnut in Granny’s Greenhouse / Bonzo Dog Doo-Dah Band / 2 votes
Alleujah! Dont Bend! Ascend! / Godspeed You! Black Emperor / 2 votes
Friendly As A Hand Grenade / Tackhead / 2 votes
Hot Buttered Soul / Isaac Hayes / 2 votes
The Return of The Durutti Column / The Durutti Column / 2 votes
Too late to die young / Departure Lounge / 2 votes
New Music for Amnesiacs / Sparks / 2 votes
Talking With The Taxman About Poetry / Billy Bragg / 2 votes
Stereopathetic Soulmanure / Beck / 2 votes
After Bathing at Baxter’s / Jefferson Airplane / 2 votes
Good News for People Who Love Bad News / Modest Mouse / 2 votes
Aladdin Sane / David Bowie / 2 votes
The Sky is Falling and I Want My Mommy / Jello Biafra w/ NoMeansNo / 1 vote
Here Come The Warm Jets / Brian Eno / 1 vote
Fashion Is The Enemy Of All Art / Nanaki / 1 vote
My Get Up and Go Just Got Up and Went / Ass / 1 vote
Cut the World / Moscow Olympics / 1 vote
Push Barman to Open Old Wounds / Belle & Sebastian / 1 vote
Sign O The Times / Prince / 1 vote
And Then Nothing Turned Itself Inside-Out / Yo La Tengo / 1 vote
Isn’t Anything / My Bloody Valentine / 1 vote
Astral Weeks / Van Morrison / 1 vote
It Takes a Nation of Millions to Hold Us Back / Public Enemy / 1 vote
Bastards / Motörhead / 1 vote
Let It Bee / Voice of the Beehive / 1 vote
Ladies And Gentlemen We Are Floating In Space / Spiritualized / 1 vote
101 Damnations / Carter USM / 1 vote
Come on feel the illinoise / Sufjan Stevens / 1 vote
Songs in the Key of Life / Stevie Wonder / 1 vote
A Sea With Three Stars / The Nectarine Nº9 / 1 vote
Men’s Needs, Women’s Needs, Whatever / The Cribs / 1 vote
Five Leaves Left / Nick Drake / 1 vote
Dancer with Bruised Knees / Kate and Anna McGarrigle / 1 vote
Thriller / Lambchop / 1 vote
Their Satanic Majesties Request / The Rolling Stones / 1 vote
What the fuck is this? A new poll I did not get the chance to participate in? I don’t chirpy chirpy cheep cheep on Twitter, but that’s no reason to exclude me from the fun and games! Utterly disgruntled. Mr Gunn
PS – I can’t even work out what this poll was about but I am sure Super Furry Animals should have featured prominently
New vote always announced at the end of the previous votes results. You WordPress-only types get the news before Twitter – it’s like a movie’s world premiere taking place in the village hall.
There’s also a voter who almost every week nominates the Chvches album, regardless of category. I admire that devotion to allegiance.
‘Even Worse’
Weird Al Yankovic … 0 votes
Half Man… deserve the winner’s medal.
The thing is – is it easy to disassociate title from content? I ask because I’m not a HMHB fan; there’s a grin when you see the record cover, but not too much more after that…
I agree on on title/content issue. I’m not much of a HMHB either.
I’m glad that the Newley album got 4 votes. Wonder who the others were (besides yourself?). As with the others I voted for; my vote was based entirely on the brilliant title. Doubt if I could stomach listening to the album all the way through though.
I’ve a vinyl copy on order. Your fault.
Could be worse… e.g. Lionel Blair Sings Astaire.*shudder*